Marriage is supposed to be about mutual self-giving, the dance between self and other, the balancing of strengths and opposites, weaknesses and complementariness. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “The Church holds the exchange of consent between spouses to be the indispensable element that ‘makes the marriage’ … The consent consists in a ‘human act by which partners mutually give themselves to each other.’”
This is all great but in instances where a woman finds herself in a one sided marriage, the immediate response is basically “deal with it” “pray about it” “go to therapy”. It’s frustrating that that’s really the only way to deal. I also never see men having these conversations. The second I saw the title of this Substack I knew it was by a female author.
Nita, I hear you! It is frustrating, and that's why I'm involved with non-profits such as Hope's Garden, Catholics for Family Peace, and Pax in Familia. Our goal is to increase awareness among priests and lay ministers, as well as in Catholic homes, so the vanilla (and even harmful) responses of "deal with it" or "pray about it" aren't given. Those responses are usually due to a lack of education and a fear of what to say, not knowing how to respond. Education is the key. It's a slow, long, hard process, but we're getting there.
What can we do to make men apart of the conversation more? They’re half the equation. Unless I’m making generalizations based on my traumas, but it really seems like none of them care for these conversations and it sucks that it’s on us to force them. Aren’t they supposed to be the leaders? The strong ones? Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful reply and I did like your article nonetheless. My perceived lack of involvement from men’s side doesn’t take away from the truth of your message.
Hope's Garden (https://hopesgarden.com) is soon going to start a community called Men of Hope. This will be a great resource to at least get things started on that side. If you want to know more about the work Hope's Garden does (which will give you an idea of what Men of Hope will do for making men more an active part in the healing of marriages), you can watch EWTN's show Women of Grace on Sept 20 and 21. Laura Ercolino, the foundress of HG, as well as Fr. Michael Stalla (HG's spiritual director) will be interviewed.
Kathleen, my heart goes out to you. I'm so glad you hung in there and read the article. Just doing that, even though you were trigged within, shows how much you've progressed along your healing journey. This is amazing, and I hope you realize that! Love and hugs to you.
This is all great but in instances where a woman finds herself in a one sided marriage, the immediate response is basically “deal with it” “pray about it” “go to therapy”. It’s frustrating that that’s really the only way to deal. I also never see men having these conversations. The second I saw the title of this Substack I knew it was by a female author.
Nita, I hear you! It is frustrating, and that's why I'm involved with non-profits such as Hope's Garden, Catholics for Family Peace, and Pax in Familia. Our goal is to increase awareness among priests and lay ministers, as well as in Catholic homes, so the vanilla (and even harmful) responses of "deal with it" or "pray about it" aren't given. Those responses are usually due to a lack of education and a fear of what to say, not knowing how to respond. Education is the key. It's a slow, long, hard process, but we're getting there.
What can we do to make men apart of the conversation more? They’re half the equation. Unless I’m making generalizations based on my traumas, but it really seems like none of them care for these conversations and it sucks that it’s on us to force them. Aren’t they supposed to be the leaders? The strong ones? Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful reply and I did like your article nonetheless. My perceived lack of involvement from men’s side doesn’t take away from the truth of your message.
Hope's Garden (https://hopesgarden.com) is soon going to start a community called Men of Hope. This will be a great resource to at least get things started on that side. If you want to know more about the work Hope's Garden does (which will give you an idea of what Men of Hope will do for making men more an active part in the healing of marriages), you can watch EWTN's show Women of Grace on Sept 20 and 21. Laura Ercolino, the foundress of HG, as well as Fr. Michael Stalla (HG's spiritual director) will be interviewed.
Glad I read this. It triggered a lot within, but I hung in there and read it. Knowledge with understanding is freeing.
Kathleen, my heart goes out to you. I'm so glad you hung in there and read the article. Just doing that, even though you were trigged within, shows how much you've progressed along your healing journey. This is amazing, and I hope you realize that! Love and hugs to you.