I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.

John 16:12

2007 was both the best and worst year of my life. I got married, but then shortly thereafter my grandmother died. My grandmother was not just another person in my life, she was my best friend, my rock, and the driving force behind so many things that made me who I was. Losing her caused not just a great deal of grief in my life, but also was the catalyst for my walking away from God.

I was not a Christian then. My Jewish faith had also waned. When I stood alone at the gravesite after we released butterflies in her honor I looked up to heaven and said to God, “You can go your way and I’ll go mine.” It was in fact the single defining moment that I chose to walk away from God, knowing full well that He was not going to walk away from me. I just couldn’t handle the pain of losing the person I loved the most.

Fast forward to 2013 when Jesus called me to himself and I became a Christian. My Saint Paul conversion led me to some bold prayers, including asking God why He had taken my grandmother from me. I prayed this prayer for many months until finally one day as I was sitting in my prayer closet listening and praying, God answered me. The answer was clear and the timing was right. I would not have been able to handle that answer if I heard it before I was a Christian. In fact, had God told me before I became a Christian, chances are I would not have become a Christian at all.

This is why Jesus’ timing is perfect. As we wait for answers to life’s most difficult questions, it can be frustrating not to hear the why. I encourage you to go back to this gospel passage and hear Jesus’ words and really meditate on them. He is protecting our hearts and minds as we heal, grow and draw closer to Him. When the time is right, he will unveil our eyes to the truth behind the whys.