Striving for Holiness as a Single Catholic Woman
I want you to know that, when the Lord thinks of each of you and what he wants to give you, he sees you as his close friend. And if he plans to grant you a grace, a charism that will help you live to the full and become someone who benefits others, someone who leaves a mark in life, it will surely be a gift that will bring you more joy and excitement than anything else in this world. Not because that gift will be rare or extraordinary, but because it will perfectly fit you. It will be a perfect fit for your entire life. (Pope Francis, Christus Vivit, 288)
We are called as Catholics to a specific state in life; either the priesthood, consecrated life, or marriage. As a single Catholic woman time and time again I have struggled with figuring out where I belong in the Catholic Church when it comes to having a vocation. Where does someone like me fit into the Church when I am not a consecrated religious, consecrated virgin, or married woman? Is there no place for me as a member of the Body of Christ? Does this mean that I have no vocation, and that God is not calling me to any vocation?
The simple answer to the latter is "No,"although the struggle to feel included in the Church is very real, I know that my primary vocation is to holiness because as Catholics we all have the "Universal Call to Holiness," as stated in the Vatican II document, Lumen Gentium. And although the truth is that my vocation is to travel on the path towards holiness, and God-willing I choose the correct path that is aligned with that of the Father's Holy and Divine Will, there are days when I still feel a bit uneasy knowing that I do not fit in to one of the secondary vocations.
What does it mean for those of us who did not specifically turn away from the vocation to the consecrated life, but that it simply did not happen for us? How about those of us who still may feel the call to the consecrated religious life deep down inside, but cannot live the vocation due to corruption and abuse that takes place within the walls of convents? How about when a diocese simply does not promote a vocation to consecrated virginity and either resists beginning the process or makes the process so long and burdensome that it is simply not realistic to fulfill in the world. Both are true scenarios that I have encountered or that my friends have encountered when it comes to the vocation to religious life or consecrated virginity.
What about women who are open to marriage, but just never found the one? When it comes to the vocation of marriage the Church promotes and encourages the vocation, but to find a spouse that is a practicing Catholic is like finding a needle in a haystack, especially these days. There are so many men who call themselves “Catholic,” but then do not even go to Mass on Sundays, and think saving sex for marriage, and not using contraception is downright comical. Does that mean then that Catholic women who are actually faithful to the Church need to lower their standards to be able to get married?