I find this post to be most compelling. When as a child of 3 or 4 and was first taught to pray, as often as possible I would go off and pray alone. I would ultimately, almost without exception, find myself in the magnificent and irresistible presence of God and in rapt attendance to Him. My child's mind and heart could not want to resist any opportunity to be with Him. I recall that, without a word passing between Us, I would express to God my own dispositions along with my inquiries which always seemed to be most graciously compelled by His while I received His of me as well in this same manner. At the time, I also tendered, out of obedience to my mentors, the simple prayers which were mostly those of the Rosary that I had only recently learned from them. I found pretty much all of these to be less than compelling expressions of my increasingly relentless desire to please God in a manner I perceived would actually get a rise out of Him, and these really did not at the time. Because of this, for Half of my life I ignorantly abandoned their use in my prayer except in liturgical expressions of worship.
At midlife, after a life of much greater conflict and strife than I would care to relive here, these learned prayers began to filter back and be recalled to me in my contemplation of God, one prayer by one, and one phrase before another. The first words I became assured were presented to me by God for my deliberation were simply "our Father". That was it. Suddenly, I was compelled by them as never before. Rather than a deliberation of mere words or concepts, consideration of these two words became what I can only describe as a relentless immersion in the dispositions of God; truly a capturing of my heart and soul by my true Father that on the basis of these alone continued for weeks. Later subsequent phrases that are included in the "Our Father" followed, one by one to the end over the next months, and for years by the phrases of other prayers from the Rosary. When the plea, "Do not lead us into temptation" was proposed to be removed from the Our Father, I was incensed and repulsed and greatly offended in my spirit because I had become aware of precisely why these words had long ago been included.
Today, I admit that tendering one decade of the Rosary in prayer may take me an entire night or so when expressed in contemplation of the dispositions of our Father, our Savior, Beloved Holy Spirit, and our Mother. I cannot bring myself to conclude that my incomplete recitation of the Rosary, which I regret occurs more often than not now, offends our Triune God or our Mother more than excluding these expressions from my prayer altogether as I once did. Largely because of this, since then I have a new expectation of every expression of prayer we may choose to tender to God. Within every expression of our prayer, our magnificent Benefactor beckons our entry into His blessed Heart, uniting in a perfectly mutual union, His with ours. Now. instead of my prayer arising out of my humanity as it once did, it now rises from participation in the nature of God and my destiny of Sainthood, as was obviously the case with St. Theresa. As a true Son of God, I can approach the throne of our Father in prayer attendant only to Him fully resident in Heaven while yet here on earth.
This in essence is the choice that our God offers every single one of us here on earth. We can strive in futility attempting to drag the life of earth to Heaven for its sanctification which is always a scrupulous exercise conducted in the worst of pride or we can choose to bring the life of God that is resident as a result of our embodiment by God within our unique Sainthood. This is a surrender of the truly exquisite selflessness and a full participation in that of our Savior on our behalf. It is one that becomes as incessantly and consummately vulnerable as His is, and is likewise always, without question or explanation, perfectly at risk to the convictions, the needs, and desires of our Father. I would suggest making the choice of our convictions here very wisely, carefully, and above all, without our pitiful assumptions about the absolute need, before our entry into Heaven, of a very personal and intimate communion with our God.
I admit I thought that myself a s well many decades ago. Without a very astute mentor, I would likely get myself in a heap of trouble at what appears to be the very end of my life. I have found after years that I am only equipped and able to respond to what others far more astute and qualified than I am have endeavored to write. I am hardly a "saintly" individual, have what might be considered a checkered past, no theological training, was divorced after 25 years, was a mechanic and construction project manager by trade, and I now appear to be near the end of my life. All I have to recommend my writing is that 3/4 of a century ago, I blundered into what some imprecisely identify as Catholic? "mysticism". I have found that this disposition is the result of individual entry into I have found to be the perfectly normal and available state of mutual union with God that is available to even the most ignorant of God's faithful, as I am living proof, and is not often to the elite. Tragically, it is a disposition that has been marginalized for centuries, ironically by its elevation apparently out of reach to all except a "blessed" few by the Church itself. What a shame this has been.
I admit that I used to hope that, with the Church being bled to death for nearly all of my life by self inflicted wounds, that someday I might be able to demonstrate to others precisely why the Church is dying and the remedy that would defeat this decline, but no one cared to listen and rightly so. Neither the cause nor the astonishingly simple cure are what anyone, and I do mean anyone, expects. I had to realize that if I have indeed become the vessel of my God that I hope can be of any use at all, I must first become one that is scrupulously obedient to God. never seeking to make opportunities for myself no matter how strongly I may be compelled. If I die in obedience to Him and have convinced no one of convictions I know God imparted to me or of anything I may say, that will be the extent of the exercise of my obedient Sainthood just as it is desired and expected of me by God and one with which I will gladly leave this earth on the day appointed.
I think I am little more than a nuisance for most real authors and theologians out there who write on these topics. For many years I hoped it would not be so and hoped as well that God would provide an opportunity to be relieved of knowledge I found to be an incredible burden. The stones can just as easily be made to cry out if those are God's wishes. But as it is I will remain consigned and faithful to the will of God full of love only for Him and requiring nothing more before I leave if that is His final choice.
Hey, I am a convert - never went to Catholic school, no Catholic college, no training in theology or doctrine. I didn't even do RCIA. Because I was working on the road all the time, my priest just gave me a few books and we would meet every few weeks and discuss. Saint Hildegard von Bingen could barely read or write. Most of her works were dictated because she had been so sick most of her life that she was even blind at times. You can do it. Ask your priest how to find a spiritual director. If he can't help, the bishop's office can. If God gave you something to share, you have a duty to try. If I can do it, anyone can.
Your encouragement is truly heartening and well received Judson but please forgive me for laughing, not out of ridicule but out of spontaneous incredulity at the prospect of attempting what I could not manage to do when the capacity, if not the ability, was available to me. I am have been disabled for years to the extent that I have to crawl out of a chair, can barely cross a room upright due to extreme vertigo, I gasp constantly for air, have no feeling in my arms or legs, am half blind, can no longer drive or even type, and suffer from constant and severe pain and exhaustion keeping me from sleeping at night and being awake for more than an hour or two in the daytime before I must collapse. This is not an appeal for sympathy, it is just my short list of disabilities that must be considered and overcome. I have been in near lethal situations with my health multiple times over the past few years having had more organs die than I was aware I even had.
The Irony in all this is that 20 years ago or so out of the blue I was asked if I would give permission for my then non existent sufferings and inconveniences to be Joined to those of our Savior for the welfare of His Church and remission of our sins. At the time, I could not want to deny Him the pleasure. I cannot recall a day since when I have not been disabled with a multitude of weird diseases and conditions or in what seems, at least to me, like breathtaking pain.
Of course you are right about everything but saddled with increasing cognitive decline as well, I truly can not fathom diving into a project like a commitment to write regularly except whenever and as I know I am able. I would gladly forfeit in anonymity any rights of authorship to anyone who would put up with those terms. Short of some unexpected and not altogether desired miracle, except with some really close assistance and discernment from others I don't see that ever happening. I am well known to our Bishop but my convictions are not, shall we say, always respected or well received. Complacency seems to run somewhat rampant around here. Gives me a longing for some good old fashioned bold faced heresy. At least one mount a decent defense against that.
I admit that I have never once been compelled to pray for relief, not because a bit of relief would not be well received, but because I gave my word that I would receive and gratefully endure the many continuous blessings God continues to send my way. Until the day that God changes His mind, I really cannot deliberate changing mine. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. I am not counting me out just yet although something of a minor miracle would seem to be required since my health lately has been declining rather rapidly. If there is one thing I have learned it is to gratefully let God BE God in all circumstances and in precisely the manner He chooses, no mater the cost may be to me.
And I will as I am able. That's quite enough about me.
I keep re-reading your posting and I really need to thank you properly for that particular insight. There is food for contemplation there for a very long time. You can be mightily encouraged that you are hitting the mark dead on. I think I will have it framed.
I find this post to be most compelling. When as a child of 3 or 4 and was first taught to pray, as often as possible I would go off and pray alone. I would ultimately, almost without exception, find myself in the magnificent and irresistible presence of God and in rapt attendance to Him. My child's mind and heart could not want to resist any opportunity to be with Him. I recall that, without a word passing between Us, I would express to God my own dispositions along with my inquiries which always seemed to be most graciously compelled by His while I received His of me as well in this same manner. At the time, I also tendered, out of obedience to my mentors, the simple prayers which were mostly those of the Rosary that I had only recently learned from them. I found pretty much all of these to be less than compelling expressions of my increasingly relentless desire to please God in a manner I perceived would actually get a rise out of Him, and these really did not at the time. Because of this, for Half of my life I ignorantly abandoned their use in my prayer except in liturgical expressions of worship.
At midlife, after a life of much greater conflict and strife than I would care to relive here, these learned prayers began to filter back and be recalled to me in my contemplation of God, one prayer by one, and one phrase before another. The first words I became assured were presented to me by God for my deliberation were simply "our Father". That was it. Suddenly, I was compelled by them as never before. Rather than a deliberation of mere words or concepts, consideration of these two words became what I can only describe as a relentless immersion in the dispositions of God; truly a capturing of my heart and soul by my true Father that on the basis of these alone continued for weeks. Later subsequent phrases that are included in the "Our Father" followed, one by one to the end over the next months, and for years by the phrases of other prayers from the Rosary. When the plea, "Do not lead us into temptation" was proposed to be removed from the Our Father, I was incensed and repulsed and greatly offended in my spirit because I had become aware of precisely why these words had long ago been included.
Today, I admit that tendering one decade of the Rosary in prayer may take me an entire night or so when expressed in contemplation of the dispositions of our Father, our Savior, Beloved Holy Spirit, and our Mother. I cannot bring myself to conclude that my incomplete recitation of the Rosary, which I regret occurs more often than not now, offends our Triune God or our Mother more than excluding these expressions from my prayer altogether as I once did. Largely because of this, since then I have a new expectation of every expression of prayer we may choose to tender to God. Within every expression of our prayer, our magnificent Benefactor beckons our entry into His blessed Heart, uniting in a perfectly mutual union, His with ours. Now. instead of my prayer arising out of my humanity as it once did, it now rises from participation in the nature of God and my destiny of Sainthood, as was obviously the case with St. Theresa. As a true Son of God, I can approach the throne of our Father in prayer attendant only to Him fully resident in Heaven while yet here on earth.
This in essence is the choice that our God offers every single one of us here on earth. We can strive in futility attempting to drag the life of earth to Heaven for its sanctification which is always a scrupulous exercise conducted in the worst of pride or we can choose to bring the life of God that is resident as a result of our embodiment by God within our unique Sainthood. This is a surrender of the truly exquisite selflessness and a full participation in that of our Savior on our behalf. It is one that becomes as incessantly and consummately vulnerable as His is, and is likewise always, without question or explanation, perfectly at risk to the convictions, the needs, and desires of our Father. I would suggest making the choice of our convictions here very wisely, carefully, and above all, without our pitiful assumptions about the absolute need, before our entry into Heaven, of a very personal and intimate communion with our God.
I think you should consider writing either a book or a series of articles on this!
I admit I thought that myself a s well many decades ago. Without a very astute mentor, I would likely get myself in a heap of trouble at what appears to be the very end of my life. I have found after years that I am only equipped and able to respond to what others far more astute and qualified than I am have endeavored to write. I am hardly a "saintly" individual, have what might be considered a checkered past, no theological training, was divorced after 25 years, was a mechanic and construction project manager by trade, and I now appear to be near the end of my life. All I have to recommend my writing is that 3/4 of a century ago, I blundered into what some imprecisely identify as Catholic? "mysticism". I have found that this disposition is the result of individual entry into I have found to be the perfectly normal and available state of mutual union with God that is available to even the most ignorant of God's faithful, as I am living proof, and is not often to the elite. Tragically, it is a disposition that has been marginalized for centuries, ironically by its elevation apparently out of reach to all except a "blessed" few by the Church itself. What a shame this has been.
I admit that I used to hope that, with the Church being bled to death for nearly all of my life by self inflicted wounds, that someday I might be able to demonstrate to others precisely why the Church is dying and the remedy that would defeat this decline, but no one cared to listen and rightly so. Neither the cause nor the astonishingly simple cure are what anyone, and I do mean anyone, expects. I had to realize that if I have indeed become the vessel of my God that I hope can be of any use at all, I must first become one that is scrupulously obedient to God. never seeking to make opportunities for myself no matter how strongly I may be compelled. If I die in obedience to Him and have convinced no one of convictions I know God imparted to me or of anything I may say, that will be the extent of the exercise of my obedient Sainthood just as it is desired and expected of me by God and one with which I will gladly leave this earth on the day appointed.
I think I am little more than a nuisance for most real authors and theologians out there who write on these topics. For many years I hoped it would not be so and hoped as well that God would provide an opportunity to be relieved of knowledge I found to be an incredible burden. The stones can just as easily be made to cry out if those are God's wishes. But as it is I will remain consigned and faithful to the will of God full of love only for Him and requiring nothing more before I leave if that is His final choice.
Hey, I am a convert - never went to Catholic school, no Catholic college, no training in theology or doctrine. I didn't even do RCIA. Because I was working on the road all the time, my priest just gave me a few books and we would meet every few weeks and discuss. Saint Hildegard von Bingen could barely read or write. Most of her works were dictated because she had been so sick most of her life that she was even blind at times. You can do it. Ask your priest how to find a spiritual director. If he can't help, the bishop's office can. If God gave you something to share, you have a duty to try. If I can do it, anyone can.
Your encouragement is truly heartening and well received Judson but please forgive me for laughing, not out of ridicule but out of spontaneous incredulity at the prospect of attempting what I could not manage to do when the capacity, if not the ability, was available to me. I am have been disabled for years to the extent that I have to crawl out of a chair, can barely cross a room upright due to extreme vertigo, I gasp constantly for air, have no feeling in my arms or legs, am half blind, can no longer drive or even type, and suffer from constant and severe pain and exhaustion keeping me from sleeping at night and being awake for more than an hour or two in the daytime before I must collapse. This is not an appeal for sympathy, it is just my short list of disabilities that must be considered and overcome. I have been in near lethal situations with my health multiple times over the past few years having had more organs die than I was aware I even had.
The Irony in all this is that 20 years ago or so out of the blue I was asked if I would give permission for my then non existent sufferings and inconveniences to be Joined to those of our Savior for the welfare of His Church and remission of our sins. At the time, I could not want to deny Him the pleasure. I cannot recall a day since when I have not been disabled with a multitude of weird diseases and conditions or in what seems, at least to me, like breathtaking pain.
Of course you are right about everything but saddled with increasing cognitive decline as well, I truly can not fathom diving into a project like a commitment to write regularly except whenever and as I know I am able. I would gladly forfeit in anonymity any rights of authorship to anyone who would put up with those terms. Short of some unexpected and not altogether desired miracle, except with some really close assistance and discernment from others I don't see that ever happening. I am well known to our Bishop but my convictions are not, shall we say, always respected or well received. Complacency seems to run somewhat rampant around here. Gives me a longing for some good old fashioned bold faced heresy. At least one mount a decent defense against that.
I admit that I have never once been compelled to pray for relief, not because a bit of relief would not be well received, but because I gave my word that I would receive and gratefully endure the many continuous blessings God continues to send my way. Until the day that God changes His mind, I really cannot deliberate changing mine. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement. I am not counting me out just yet although something of a minor miracle would seem to be required since my health lately has been declining rather rapidly. If there is one thing I have learned it is to gratefully let God BE God in all circumstances and in precisely the manner He chooses, no mater the cost may be to me.
I understand. Well, all you can do is your best.
And I will as I am able. That's quite enough about me.
I keep re-reading your posting and I really need to thank you properly for that particular insight. There is food for contemplation there for a very long time. You can be mightily encouraged that you are hitting the mark dead on. I think I will have it framed.
This touched my heart mightily!!!!!
When I read that quote a few months ago, I had to share it!