Great article! You address a lot of issues that mainstream culture doesn’t. I do question the claim, however, that because 85% of domestic abuse victims are women, we should focus almost entirely on women who experience abuse. Can one statistic really give us a comprehensive picture?
The CDC found that men are half of the victims of emotional abuse and minor physical violence (slapping, shoving). But the gender gap grows as violence becomes more severe. Overall, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have experienced domestic abuse, making men more than a quarter of the victims. The DOJ, however, says that 85% of victims are female because male victims are far less likely to report the abuse to law enforcement.
Men are also almost 4 out of 5 suicides, but we don’t argue that we therefore should focus suicide prevention almost entirely on men. The problem with such a zero sum approach would be obvious. Yet, this is exactly how society approaches domestic abuse. I believe that all victims of domestic abuse matter, regardless of sex. But I understand that this statement is “problematic” because it runs counter to left wing/intersectional gender ideology.
You make an excellent point, Dave. The focus of the article was on women because it was a review of the USCCB document, an article which focused on women. However, since the time that article was written, there seems to be a growing awareness of men as victims of domestic abuse (the USCCB article was written 20 years ago -- I pray they update it soon).
Although statistically women are victims more often than men, 1 in 10 men as victims is a very high rate. Much too high! Traditionally there has been two problems that have led to more of the focus on women as victims than men. First, abusive men almost always claim to be the victim when in fact they're the perpetrator. This means that for those men who are authentically victims, they may hesitate to speak out for fear of being accused of lying. Alternately, as you stated, men are less likely than women in general to speak out about this issue. However, in the past couple years, I thankfully see this changing. Voices of both genders are being heard more than in 2002.
In my articles and newsletter, I write exclusively from a female POV. I also include a disclaimer with my articles stating that I realize men can be victims as well. However, I write from a female perspective because that's my own; I don't want to try to impose myself upon the male perspective, because that would be an injustice. I "write what I know." My audience is by vast majority female, so I cater to the women who need to hear my message. However, the men who also subscribe understand my POV and appreciate that they can still gain clarity, healing and education from what I write.
I'm really glad you brought up this issue because it is one that needs to be voiced. The more we talk about all angles of domestic abuse, the more awareness we can bring to this epidemic--and hopefully the more change. God bless!
Amen to this! I lived with domestic abuse for 26 years. Why? I tried to be a good Catholic Christian. Catholics marry for life, and the only advise I got from priests was to try harder to please my husband, calm him when he is stressed. In other words, be a better wife. I can tell you from experience that spousal abuse affects the children in too many ways to go into here, but the one that bothers me the most is the bad example I gave my kids. I have 3 daughters and a son. They all married spouses who abuse. Fortunately they have remarried, but everyone left Church to try and fix their lives. Two have returned. One wants to return, but has not received help from the Church to do so. The 4th wants nothing to do with the Church. This is one of the reasons why the Church has lost members. It is not the only reason granted, but abuse plays a bigger part than priests, deacons and religious understand. I don't blame them entirely for they have not, as this article points out, received proper training in the issue of abuse. They don't understand it. If a spouse is violent, they usually get it and help. However, mental and emotional abuse, verbable abuse and sexual abuse is not understood at all!!!!
I apologize that this comment is long (it could be much longer, trust me!), but this is a huge issue that affects not just the immediate family, but the whole Church!!!
Please, don't apologize, Kathleen! All that you said is very true, and needs to be heard. I recently spoke with Fr. Chuck Dahm, who runs the Domestic Violence Outreach program in the archdiocese of Chicago. Fr. Chuck has been a DV advocate and worked hard in the Church to gain more awareness and support for decades--he's been at it for a long time! He was never trained in DV awareness during seminary formation. He only came to the realization of this problem after personal experiences in his parish (if you're interested in his story, he has multiple videos you can find online, I can try to find the link to the one where he mentions all this if you want). Anyway, I specifically asked him if seminaries nowadays teach any courses at all on DV. The answer is very, very rarely. We, as laity, need to step up, have our voices heard, and help increate awareness and education among all Church members. I thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry for what you had to suffer, but I can see your strength and faith shining through your words. God Bless!
Great article! You address a lot of issues that mainstream culture doesn’t. I do question the claim, however, that because 85% of domestic abuse victims are women, we should focus almost entirely on women who experience abuse. Can one statistic really give us a comprehensive picture?
The CDC found that men are half of the victims of emotional abuse and minor physical violence (slapping, shoving). But the gender gap grows as violence becomes more severe. Overall, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have experienced domestic abuse, making men more than a quarter of the victims. The DOJ, however, says that 85% of victims are female because male victims are far less likely to report the abuse to law enforcement.
Men are also almost 4 out of 5 suicides, but we don’t argue that we therefore should focus suicide prevention almost entirely on men. The problem with such a zero sum approach would be obvious. Yet, this is exactly how society approaches domestic abuse. I believe that all victims of domestic abuse matter, regardless of sex. But I understand that this statement is “problematic” because it runs counter to left wing/intersectional gender ideology.
You make an excellent point, Dave. The focus of the article was on women because it was a review of the USCCB document, an article which focused on women. However, since the time that article was written, there seems to be a growing awareness of men as victims of domestic abuse (the USCCB article was written 20 years ago -- I pray they update it soon).
Although statistically women are victims more often than men, 1 in 10 men as victims is a very high rate. Much too high! Traditionally there has been two problems that have led to more of the focus on women as victims than men. First, abusive men almost always claim to be the victim when in fact they're the perpetrator. This means that for those men who are authentically victims, they may hesitate to speak out for fear of being accused of lying. Alternately, as you stated, men are less likely than women in general to speak out about this issue. However, in the past couple years, I thankfully see this changing. Voices of both genders are being heard more than in 2002.
In my articles and newsletter, I write exclusively from a female POV. I also include a disclaimer with my articles stating that I realize men can be victims as well. However, I write from a female perspective because that's my own; I don't want to try to impose myself upon the male perspective, because that would be an injustice. I "write what I know." My audience is by vast majority female, so I cater to the women who need to hear my message. However, the men who also subscribe understand my POV and appreciate that they can still gain clarity, healing and education from what I write.
I'm really glad you brought up this issue because it is one that needs to be voiced. The more we talk about all angles of domestic abuse, the more awareness we can bring to this epidemic--and hopefully the more change. God bless!
Amen to this! I lived with domestic abuse for 26 years. Why? I tried to be a good Catholic Christian. Catholics marry for life, and the only advise I got from priests was to try harder to please my husband, calm him when he is stressed. In other words, be a better wife. I can tell you from experience that spousal abuse affects the children in too many ways to go into here, but the one that bothers me the most is the bad example I gave my kids. I have 3 daughters and a son. They all married spouses who abuse. Fortunately they have remarried, but everyone left Church to try and fix their lives. Two have returned. One wants to return, but has not received help from the Church to do so. The 4th wants nothing to do with the Church. This is one of the reasons why the Church has lost members. It is not the only reason granted, but abuse plays a bigger part than priests, deacons and religious understand. I don't blame them entirely for they have not, as this article points out, received proper training in the issue of abuse. They don't understand it. If a spouse is violent, they usually get it and help. However, mental and emotional abuse, verbable abuse and sexual abuse is not understood at all!!!!
I apologize that this comment is long (it could be much longer, trust me!), but this is a huge issue that affects not just the immediate family, but the whole Church!!!
Please, don't apologize, Kathleen! All that you said is very true, and needs to be heard. I recently spoke with Fr. Chuck Dahm, who runs the Domestic Violence Outreach program in the archdiocese of Chicago. Fr. Chuck has been a DV advocate and worked hard in the Church to gain more awareness and support for decades--he's been at it for a long time! He was never trained in DV awareness during seminary formation. He only came to the realization of this problem after personal experiences in his parish (if you're interested in his story, he has multiple videos you can find online, I can try to find the link to the one where he mentions all this if you want). Anyway, I specifically asked him if seminaries nowadays teach any courses at all on DV. The answer is very, very rarely. We, as laity, need to step up, have our voices heard, and help increate awareness and education among all Church members. I thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry for what you had to suffer, but I can see your strength and faith shining through your words. God Bless!
Thank you so much! I will look up Fr Chuck!
Here's his site:
https://pvm.archchicago.org/human-dignity-solidarity/domestic-violence-outreach