Thank you for this very well written, and important piece. More light, Lord, more light!
There is such a significant need for healing in our Church and world today. So many people have been told a lie about themselves, especially through the behavior of others. Lord shine a light on sin, but also on your love for victims of any sin.
Thank you for continuing to write about this, Christina. I think that everyone in general (especially young people with less life experience and who haven't made solemn vows yet) should have awareness of signs of abuse and how to recognize if/when it is happening to them, as well as receive social empowerment to walk away. Much of this is learned (or not) in the family setting, but it would be helpful for Church leaders to reinforce this. Your writing is helpful in this area because it lets readers know what shouldn't be acceptable.
Christina, thank you for your great courage and for writing this. I feel your pain and that of the other women you mentioned, literally, because I have experienced much the same in a men’s clerical religious community. I’m struggling to get to an emotionally healthy place where I can speak out, but now I am battling severe anxiety, depression and suicidality.
Jesus and Mary are with me and grace is everywhere , so I am able to persevere. It helps that I can distinguish between the Church and the men in it—they are not the Church. Christ is the Church.
I thank God that you and others are speaking the truth and pray that I may soon add my voice. The evil must end.
Thank you Father, and I am sorry you are having such an experience. I pray for the day when all of this will end in both women and men's religious communities.
Try living the consequences of being abused like for the rest of your life because that what you do once you leave the convent the pain and suffering never go away that’s why many nuns leave thier faith it not they lost faith they are in constant mental psychological and spiritual agony. Most perpetrators get away with it too.
That's sadly so incredibly accurate. And it continues to be swept under the rug even now. I have reached the point in my life where I am not afraid anymore to speak the truth. How can we pray for more vocations when we are sending young women to the wolves? It makes me sick we have Vocations Sunday when so many women answered the call and were abused, so could not live their true vocation. It's sickening, and I am tired of the issue being ignored by the Church. I love the Church, and that's why I want this issue to be addressed.
I have lost count of the number of women who contact me about having recently left religious life and having been abused in the convent. It makes me so sad.
Thank you Christina for yet another article that sheds light on this problem. I can only speak to the congregations I personally have knowledge of within the CMSWR: The abuse is going to continue up to and until the CMSWR acknowledges that formation programs within many of their communities need desperate reform. You can't fix a problem if you won't admit there is a problem. Here is just one example of religious communities as well as our hierarchy being tone deaf: I know a group of women who left one particular community and wrote letters to the bishop of the diocese where the monastery resides, as well as to their former superiors. The congregation in question threatened them the bishop brushed them off. Instead of inviting dialogue, they were silenced. As I type the CMSWR is having their Formaters workshop and I think this article should be read to them during the meeting or at least someone should link this article on their social media! And while it is quite true that not everyone who sets foot in a convent has a vocation to religious life, a 50% attrition rate is actually quite ghastly! Formators are often poorly trained and often have multiple functions within the community. A novice mistress should not also be a member of the council especially if a young woman would like to petition the council about the novice mistress! At the very least, formators should have a master's degree in psychology. It seems too often that the novice mistress, instead of guiding young women in fostering virtue, are instead looking for anything and everything that they can possibly find fault with to force them out. There are countless stories of women who are emotionally sound upon entering who come out basically like basket cases upon leaving. Something has got to give! Our Lady weeps! There has to be someone whom the CMSWR will listen to. All that said, I would like to believe that for the most part the formators believe they are doing right by the young women as well as the congregation, but someone really needs to wake them up. And soon.
My formator took one psychology workshop and thought she was an expert in the field. It turned into a lot of manipulation, gaslighting, and outright psychological abuse. I believe like you said in some formators minds they believe they are doing the right thing, but unfortunately in my case I do not believe that to be true. She admitted she was not mentally well to me, and told me she did not want to be novice director. She is the reason I am no longer there. She is still the novice director and the postulant director sadly. I thought the mother superior didn't realize what was going on but it turns out a former postulant who left later told me she told the mother superior everything that was going on and how she saw me being treated by the novice director. It ended up with myself and that postulant being kicked out. This community and others need to wake up and stop appointing the wrong women to being in charge of formation because it destroys vocations.
Wow, I spent 2 years in the convent, and it was the most wonderful time of my life! I had no idea abuse was going on! I am so sorry you had to experience this!
Thank you. Unfortunately, it is very common. I constantly have women reach out to me via social media or friends or family members reach out to me for them. The parents reaching out is the most heartbreaking because they don't know how to help their daughters who now lock themselves in their rooms and never speak about what happened to them. It's horrible.
I do believe you. Please don't think I don't. Its just extremely surprising and upsetting to me! However, I have seen and experienced abuse from other sources. I attended public schools all my educational life, and the abuse of children was horrible. I had an abusive husband, as have two of my daughters. I know awful it is not to be believed.
I didn’t think that at all. Sorry it came off that way. And I think it is surprising and upsetting for most people because convent abuse is just not spoken about because in my experience those who speak out get attacked. I’m sorry you have experienced abuse too.
It is because the new vocations are treated very well and things are hidden from them or explained away until they make their vows and have invested much time and effort so it is difficult to leave.
control: leaving home, contacts with other people, personal correspondence, telephone conversations, Internet activity, medical records (contact with doctors and therapists), verbal aggression (insults, mocking comments, apparent compliments, contemptuous jokes, humiliation, humiliation – especially in the presence of other people), shaming, extracting confidences, revealing secrets, comparing with other people, encouraging other people to criticize or isolate a given person, belittling his or her work and achievements; persuading mental disorders (and e.g. suggesting therapy with a friend’s therapist or doctor), inducing a sense of guilt, pretending to be a victim by the perpetrator of violence, blackmail and threats, including allusions and non-verbal, veiled suggestions, harassing you with unwanted messages, text messages, initiating pointless conversations, sending contradictory messages or even giving contradictory orders, disregarding a person’s feelings and needs, showing disrespect, showing distrust, being accused of infidelity or breaking the rules, sabotaging someone’s actions, seemingly having good intentions, passive aggression (e.g. punishing with silence, communicating on cards, presenting people with a fait accompli, intentionally failing to fulfill promises and arrangements, answering urgent questions with a long delay, using irony and allusions instead of open communication, being offended), creating an unstable atmosphere (changing expectations and orders, starting arguments over trifles, sudden mood changes),
mobbing and gaslighting – these two terms are worth taking a closer look at.
Mobbing, gaslighting, spiritual violence, maintaining a state of spiritual immaturity and independence (making all decisions for the sister, undermining her discernment), justifying unclear, irrational rules with religious texts, monastic constitutions or tradition, unfounded suggestion of specific behavior justified by the alleged will of God, forcing consultation with the superior on every decision, even those unrelated to religious or community life, manipulation of quotes from the Holy Scripture (or from other religious texts, e.g. “The Diary” of Saint Sister Faustina or “The Story of a Soul” by Saint Teresa of Lisieux), taking away the time of discernment: forcing an internal decision to make a final decision about religious life already at the moment of first vows (or taking the vestment or even joining), instead of during perpetual vows, imposing a specific confessor or spiritual director against the sister’s will, blackmail (also allusive) related to admission to the next stage of formation or vows, demanding blind obedience from the superior, even if her orders are in clear contradiction with the spirit of the Gospel, idealization of the leader (e.g. superior, mistress, charismatic priest, spiritual director, etc.) – presenting her as a saint, chosen by God, having a special gift, the light of the Holy Spirit; as a consequence – may break some rules in the name of the “greater good”, encouraging people to confide and admit to past and present transgressions, and then revealing them in the community; forcing one to reveal personal affairs or offenses in the community,
control of contacts with the outside world, e.g. a ban on talking about monastic life with people from outside the community, a requirement to keep difficult events secret, a ban on reading specific books, a requirement to break off contacts with specific people, social isolation, forced solitude: prohibition of friendship or any closer relationships with other people, whether lay people or sisters, silencing and suppressing doubts (gaslighting) instead of open communication, emphasizing the superiority of the community (nuns in general or sisters in this particular congregation or in a given monastery) in order to justify various abuses (because, for example, members of such an elite group “should” be better than other people, endure more suffering, work more, more pray, participate in some specific services, etc.), creating an us-them opposition, and then attributing a threat to “them”: we – this is the community of those chosen by God, safe, ensuring salvation, and they – this is the sinful external world, dangerous, waiting to harm us, condemned to condemnation, threatening with the loss of salvation for not following the rules (monastic or arbitrarily introduced by the superior), excessive focus on the torments of hell and satanic temptations (e.g. exorcising food and everyday objects, using exorcisms on people who need psychological or medical help), stigmatizing sisters leaving the order (e.g. calling them traitors and damned); ostracism, ban on contact with those who are leaving, honoring and protecting people who have committed abuse (maybe, for example, a violent but charismatic superior, but also the deceased founder of the order who used violence), treating the private views of superiors as evangelical or monastic principles or “God’s will” (e.g. standards of maintaining order, frequency of washing and walking, views on the Internet, sports, health).
In Cracow Poland founded a few years ago to help abused sisters by Izabela Mościcka, Fundacja Przy Stole pomocdlasiostr@gmail.com
This is a widespread problem worldwide. There is this center for help in Cracow Poland https://pomocdlasiostr.pl/
Thank you for posting this. The Sisters Minor of Mary Immaculate started in 1983 in Rome. We were always around 80 in number with different houses in the world many different nationalities. Also a branch of Brothers too. It was supposedly to be officially dissolved after 2015 or so after the last commissioner finally took care of all the odds and ends. Many sisters left earlier getting indults because noone in the heirarchy wanted to help us renew our institute (other than the first commissioner who was changed quickly after 3 months Father Pigna Carmelite) when the Italian foundress was laicized because of her corrupt behavior and given strict orders by the pontifical Cardinal authority to never form another group in the church, to never mislead others by wearing something similar to a habit/ that she must look like a laywoman and not allow herself to be called sister or mother (which Ms. Maria Elisabetta Patrizi did not obey) and went off with a small group of “faithful” sisters and brothers to form different associations, until the latest of which was Fransican Oblates in Piglio,Italy. July 12, 2020 Patrizi died at S. Eugenio hospital in Rome. The first commissioner was changed, to the second commissioner Sr Maria Christine of another order who died, then a third commissioner Father Giuseppe. It was a horrible mistreatment to say the very least. I left in 2011. I love the Lord Jesus Christ and the Catholic Christian faith although there is much curruption manipulation in taking advantage of vocations and good honest people. Patrizi was bad but showed herself as a saint, unfortunately there are still a remnant that idolize her and continue this unhealthy lifestyle ie: the oblates of Piglio are still looking very much like the former Sisters of Mary Immaculate which is an affront to us, acting like it is all ok. Why is this even being allowed? It causes confusion with those who believe the institute was dissolved and no longer. I was belittled by being asked why I left, if the blue sisters are still around. Such a betrayal again. No one cares about the injustice done to us.
Today these branches have merged into the “Franciscan Family of Mary Immaculate”, recognized by the bishop of Tivoli Mauro Parmeggiani and to which the Franciscan Oblates based at the Sanctuary of the Madonna di Quintiliolo also belong.
It has been all whitewashed practically “canonized” Patrizi like nothing evil ever happened. May the Lord Jesus Christ protect others from these kinds of unhealthy groups being promoted. They should recognize the wrong done of the foundress and move on in a healthy way not continueing in her example. Teresa Kovacs belongs to these Oblates and continues her abuse.
Well, I know myself well enough to know I can be over sensitive. That comes from abusive treatment. Its an area where I need more healing. Hope's Garden is helping me there. Abuse is rampant in our society, and has been since the 19th century and longer. I believe it is the major and very hidden sin/cause of all of society's problems, needs and other sins. Why do I say that? Because when Jesus was asked what is the greatest sin and the remedy, He answered the failure to love, and the remedy is to " love God with all our heart, mind, and will, and to love our neighbor as ourselves"! In another place, He said " what you do to the least of my brethern you do to me". In other words abuse and "lording it over another" is the opposite of love. Its not just unkind. Its the total opposite! Therefore since God IS love, He is totally absent in the abuse. However, God is totally present in the one abuse! God is forever and always in us!
I love Hope's Garden. I know Laura's focus is primarily on healing from spousal abuse/betrayal trauma, but I wonder if she might consider branching out and partnering with someone like Christina/others to have a support group for convent abuse. I love the overall message of understanding Christ the Bridegroom and the healing that's found there.
(Christina, you should follow Hope's Garden on Facebook and/or Instagram if you aren't already! <3 )
Hope's Garden is for any Catholic woman who longs to grow closer to Christ our Divine Bridegroom. All Catholic women, even if they've never experienced intimate partner betrayal or abuse, are welcome to join. We would love to have Christina and others join us at Hope's Garden!
I should have said a "workshop" rather than "support group" (as I know Christina already runs a group). I was looking at Hope's Garden's monthly workshop topics and thought healing from this particular experience could be a great workshop topic. <3
Yes, I know of Hope's Garden. A friend had told me about it. Looks like great work they do. I am a leader of a support group for women who have experienced abuse in the convent. It's called the Maria Goretti Network. More and more women are joining us, and it's the only peer support group available at this time that is Catholic. Hopefully, one day there will be in-person support groups available at parishes. That is what is most needed. https://www.mgoretti.org/
This is what another survivor from my order reported this happened when she was a minor “Hey, I was held hostage by them 23 years ago in Connecticut when I was invited to go on a retreat before going off to school in Europe. I was a devout Catholic, but had no intention of becoming a nun. I was 17 years old. She tricked me into believing it would just be a safe way for me to see the East Coast. It was maybe a month or week before 09/11/2001. Theresa held me longer than the week I was supposed to be there, kept canceling my flight and would come into my room every night telling me that no man would ever want me and I am not marriage material. She would badger me about the littletist things, complain my skirts were too short, withold food, would not allow me to read, no air condition except for in Church. There was an Italian girl visiting who was allowed to do what she wanted and Theresa would constantly compare me to her. My mother finally threatened to call the police and I think Theresa took me to my new scheduled flight. I completely forgot about it and was able to attend the school I was supposed to in France a few months later. I think it was a few weeks before 09/11 when this all happened and I often wonder if she had kept me longer, if I would have ended up on one of the planes. I just found out how this has all come to light. I just googled it to see if this order still existed. I completely blocked that negative experience out of my life.”
If religious communities are responsible for providing those who enter the convent with spiritual formation that leads them to become closer to God, and to live authentically the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience: what about the rest of us? How do those of us who do not enter religious communities become closer to God? Are we at a disadvantage?
I believe that the approach which produces this kind of exclusivity, of itself, is a hindrance to becoming closer to God even apart from any abuses that occur in religious communities. Closeness to God comes from being humble towards Him (cf. 1Peter 5:5-7; James 4:6-10). This can be done by anyone who chooses to do so regardless of any formal religious life. Any spiritual formation that does not recognize this becomes a hindrance.
What are you talking about? Your comment has nothing to do with the article. Yet again you are trolling our publication. Just stop. This is a serious issue that affects many women. Where in the article does it say everyone isn't called to become closer to God? IT NEVER SAYS THAT! We are all called to holiness. And stop just throwing Bible verses around that have nothing to do with the topic. You are talking about something that has NOTHING to do with the article yet again. That is all you ever do. I'm tired of it.
You’re correct. It doesn’t exactly say that. I am reading between the lines. You didn’t grow up in the pre-Vatican II Church when clericalism was rampant. I am pointing to the tendency that there is to view the clergy and those in religious life as being closer to God than the rest of us because they take vows and live in community. I believe that this tendency still exists. This can lead to unrealistic expectations on the part of those who venture into religious life.
People can think it but it’s not true, and not what I wrote about and what does clericalism have to do with anything? Again has nothing to do with the topic at hand. You are not reading between the lines you are just writing whatever you want to write that has nothing to do with anything. Again this is a serious issue the topic I am writing about and you are talking about something completely different here. I don’t even think you read the article, but just want to sound off on anything. Please stop.
God bless you Christina. Grateful to you for spreading awareness of this serious issue. It is not just the pain of the women hurt, but also of their families and the damage it does to the Church at large. I have been trying to share with others so if they do encounter this problem to not brush it off and be able to help. Some are understanding but some don't want to believe it. Even thinking it is all a left wing attack made up to hurt the Catholic Church and religious vocations. This is also happening inside male religious orders. Our Lord Jesus Christ will not be mocked and not have evil be hidden under His Holy Name or His Blessed Mother and Saints. These are His vocations being abused. Those poor sisters taken advantage of by the artist priest Rupnik. Sure he was kicked out of the Jesuits but he is still allowed to be a priest! While good priests like Frank Pavone of Priests for Life are cancelled defrocked for being prolife against his liberal bishop. It is spiritual warfare...Much respect, sincere appreciation and daily prayers.
Peter, the fact that you made this post about that subject, rather than the incredible wound upon the Church is very disappointing, and harmful to those who have been abused.
The point of my post was to offer a possible explanation of why there is so much incredible wounding in the Church. It could be helpful to someone who may want to enter into religious life.
I had unrealistic expectations concerning the priesthood when I was growing up. I was encouraged to enter the seminary by the nuns, but I did not believe that my parents would have been supportive. Thankfully, I did not pursue it. It may have ended in a disaster. I now believe that we are better off choosing our vocations after we have already arrived at our holiness in God.
The vocations in the Church help to lead us to holiness. All of us strive for holiness, that is the goal. And we do not choose vocations, they are a calling by God.
Thank you for this very well written, and important piece. More light, Lord, more light!
There is such a significant need for healing in our Church and world today. So many people have been told a lie about themselves, especially through the behavior of others. Lord shine a light on sin, but also on your love for victims of any sin.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for continuing to write about this, Christina. I think that everyone in general (especially young people with less life experience and who haven't made solemn vows yet) should have awareness of signs of abuse and how to recognize if/when it is happening to them, as well as receive social empowerment to walk away. Much of this is learned (or not) in the family setting, but it would be helpful for Church leaders to reinforce this. Your writing is helpful in this area because it lets readers know what shouldn't be acceptable.
Christina, thank you for your great courage and for writing this. I feel your pain and that of the other women you mentioned, literally, because I have experienced much the same in a men’s clerical religious community. I’m struggling to get to an emotionally healthy place where I can speak out, but now I am battling severe anxiety, depression and suicidality.
Jesus and Mary are with me and grace is everywhere , so I am able to persevere. It helps that I can distinguish between the Church and the men in it—they are not the Church. Christ is the Church.
I thank God that you and others are speaking the truth and pray that I may soon add my voice. The evil must end.
Thank you Father, and I am sorry you are having such an experience. I pray for the day when all of this will end in both women and men's religious communities.
Try living the consequences of being abused like for the rest of your life because that what you do once you leave the convent the pain and suffering never go away that’s why many nuns leave thier faith it not they lost faith they are in constant mental psychological and spiritual agony. Most perpetrators get away with it too.
That's sadly so incredibly accurate. And it continues to be swept under the rug even now. I have reached the point in my life where I am not afraid anymore to speak the truth. How can we pray for more vocations when we are sending young women to the wolves? It makes me sick we have Vocations Sunday when so many women answered the call and were abused, so could not live their true vocation. It's sickening, and I am tired of the issue being ignored by the Church. I love the Church, and that's why I want this issue to be addressed.
Yes the church needs to stop acting like a coward and own up to it
Yes, it is very cowardly. The Church needs to step it up, and rectify this before it's too late. The future of vocations depends on it.
Yes it does soon there will be no more vocations if this keeps happening
I have lost count of the number of women who contact me about having recently left religious life and having been abused in the convent. It makes me so sad.
Thank you Christina for yet another article that sheds light on this problem. I can only speak to the congregations I personally have knowledge of within the CMSWR: The abuse is going to continue up to and until the CMSWR acknowledges that formation programs within many of their communities need desperate reform. You can't fix a problem if you won't admit there is a problem. Here is just one example of religious communities as well as our hierarchy being tone deaf: I know a group of women who left one particular community and wrote letters to the bishop of the diocese where the monastery resides, as well as to their former superiors. The congregation in question threatened them the bishop brushed them off. Instead of inviting dialogue, they were silenced. As I type the CMSWR is having their Formaters workshop and I think this article should be read to them during the meeting or at least someone should link this article on their social media! And while it is quite true that not everyone who sets foot in a convent has a vocation to religious life, a 50% attrition rate is actually quite ghastly! Formators are often poorly trained and often have multiple functions within the community. A novice mistress should not also be a member of the council especially if a young woman would like to petition the council about the novice mistress! At the very least, formators should have a master's degree in psychology. It seems too often that the novice mistress, instead of guiding young women in fostering virtue, are instead looking for anything and everything that they can possibly find fault with to force them out. There are countless stories of women who are emotionally sound upon entering who come out basically like basket cases upon leaving. Something has got to give! Our Lady weeps! There has to be someone whom the CMSWR will listen to. All that said, I would like to believe that for the most part the formators believe they are doing right by the young women as well as the congregation, but someone really needs to wake them up. And soon.
My formator took one psychology workshop and thought she was an expert in the field. It turned into a lot of manipulation, gaslighting, and outright psychological abuse. I believe like you said in some formators minds they believe they are doing the right thing, but unfortunately in my case I do not believe that to be true. She admitted she was not mentally well to me, and told me she did not want to be novice director. She is the reason I am no longer there. She is still the novice director and the postulant director sadly. I thought the mother superior didn't realize what was going on but it turns out a former postulant who left later told me she told the mother superior everything that was going on and how she saw me being treated by the novice director. It ended up with myself and that postulant being kicked out. This community and others need to wake up and stop appointing the wrong women to being in charge of formation because it destroys vocations.
Wow, I spent 2 years in the convent, and it was the most wonderful time of my life! I had no idea abuse was going on! I am so sorry you had to experience this!
Thank you. Unfortunately, it is very common. I constantly have women reach out to me via social media or friends or family members reach out to me for them. The parents reaching out is the most heartbreaking because they don't know how to help their daughters who now lock themselves in their rooms and never speak about what happened to them. It's horrible.
I do believe you. Please don't think I don't. Its just extremely surprising and upsetting to me! However, I have seen and experienced abuse from other sources. I attended public schools all my educational life, and the abuse of children was horrible. I had an abusive husband, as have two of my daughters. I know awful it is not to be believed.
I didn’t think that at all. Sorry it came off that way. And I think it is surprising and upsetting for most people because convent abuse is just not spoken about because in my experience those who speak out get attacked. I’m sorry you have experienced abuse too.
It is because the new vocations are treated very well and things are hidden from them or explained away until they make their vows and have invested much time and effort so it is difficult to leave.
Warning signs to be aware of:
control: leaving home, contacts with other people, personal correspondence, telephone conversations, Internet activity, medical records (contact with doctors and therapists), verbal aggression (insults, mocking comments, apparent compliments, contemptuous jokes, humiliation, humiliation – especially in the presence of other people), shaming, extracting confidences, revealing secrets, comparing with other people, encouraging other people to criticize or isolate a given person, belittling his or her work and achievements; persuading mental disorders (and e.g. suggesting therapy with a friend’s therapist or doctor), inducing a sense of guilt, pretending to be a victim by the perpetrator of violence, blackmail and threats, including allusions and non-verbal, veiled suggestions, harassing you with unwanted messages, text messages, initiating pointless conversations, sending contradictory messages or even giving contradictory orders, disregarding a person’s feelings and needs, showing disrespect, showing distrust, being accused of infidelity or breaking the rules, sabotaging someone’s actions, seemingly having good intentions, passive aggression (e.g. punishing with silence, communicating on cards, presenting people with a fait accompli, intentionally failing to fulfill promises and arrangements, answering urgent questions with a long delay, using irony and allusions instead of open communication, being offended), creating an unstable atmosphere (changing expectations and orders, starting arguments over trifles, sudden mood changes),
mobbing and gaslighting – these two terms are worth taking a closer look at.
Mobbing, gaslighting, spiritual violence, maintaining a state of spiritual immaturity and independence (making all decisions for the sister, undermining her discernment), justifying unclear, irrational rules with religious texts, monastic constitutions or tradition, unfounded suggestion of specific behavior justified by the alleged will of God, forcing consultation with the superior on every decision, even those unrelated to religious or community life, manipulation of quotes from the Holy Scripture (or from other religious texts, e.g. “The Diary” of Saint Sister Faustina or “The Story of a Soul” by Saint Teresa of Lisieux), taking away the time of discernment: forcing an internal decision to make a final decision about religious life already at the moment of first vows (or taking the vestment or even joining), instead of during perpetual vows, imposing a specific confessor or spiritual director against the sister’s will, blackmail (also allusive) related to admission to the next stage of formation or vows, demanding blind obedience from the superior, even if her orders are in clear contradiction with the spirit of the Gospel, idealization of the leader (e.g. superior, mistress, charismatic priest, spiritual director, etc.) – presenting her as a saint, chosen by God, having a special gift, the light of the Holy Spirit; as a consequence – may break some rules in the name of the “greater good”, encouraging people to confide and admit to past and present transgressions, and then revealing them in the community; forcing one to reveal personal affairs or offenses in the community,
control of contacts with the outside world, e.g. a ban on talking about monastic life with people from outside the community, a requirement to keep difficult events secret, a ban on reading specific books, a requirement to break off contacts with specific people, social isolation, forced solitude: prohibition of friendship or any closer relationships with other people, whether lay people or sisters, silencing and suppressing doubts (gaslighting) instead of open communication, emphasizing the superiority of the community (nuns in general or sisters in this particular congregation or in a given monastery) in order to justify various abuses (because, for example, members of such an elite group “should” be better than other people, endure more suffering, work more, more pray, participate in some specific services, etc.), creating an us-them opposition, and then attributing a threat to “them”: we – this is the community of those chosen by God, safe, ensuring salvation, and they – this is the sinful external world, dangerous, waiting to harm us, condemned to condemnation, threatening with the loss of salvation for not following the rules (monastic or arbitrarily introduced by the superior), excessive focus on the torments of hell and satanic temptations (e.g. exorcising food and everyday objects, using exorcisms on people who need psychological or medical help), stigmatizing sisters leaving the order (e.g. calling them traitors and damned); ostracism, ban on contact with those who are leaving, honoring and protecting people who have committed abuse (maybe, for example, a violent but charismatic superior, but also the deceased founder of the order who used violence), treating the private views of superiors as evangelical or monastic principles or “God’s will” (e.g. standards of maintaining order, frequency of washing and walking, views on the Internet, sports, health).
In Cracow Poland founded a few years ago to help abused sisters by Izabela Mościcka, Fundacja Przy Stole pomocdlasiostr@gmail.com
This is a widespread problem worldwide. There is this center for help in Cracow Poland https://pomocdlasiostr.pl/
Thank you for posting this. The Sisters Minor of Mary Immaculate started in 1983 in Rome. We were always around 80 in number with different houses in the world many different nationalities. Also a branch of Brothers too. It was supposedly to be officially dissolved after 2015 or so after the last commissioner finally took care of all the odds and ends. Many sisters left earlier getting indults because noone in the heirarchy wanted to help us renew our institute (other than the first commissioner who was changed quickly after 3 months Father Pigna Carmelite) when the Italian foundress was laicized because of her corrupt behavior and given strict orders by the pontifical Cardinal authority to never form another group in the church, to never mislead others by wearing something similar to a habit/ that she must look like a laywoman and not allow herself to be called sister or mother (which Ms. Maria Elisabetta Patrizi did not obey) and went off with a small group of “faithful” sisters and brothers to form different associations, until the latest of which was Fransican Oblates in Piglio,Italy. July 12, 2020 Patrizi died at S. Eugenio hospital in Rome. The first commissioner was changed, to the second commissioner Sr Maria Christine of another order who died, then a third commissioner Father Giuseppe. It was a horrible mistreatment to say the very least. I left in 2011. I love the Lord Jesus Christ and the Catholic Christian faith although there is much curruption manipulation in taking advantage of vocations and good honest people. Patrizi was bad but showed herself as a saint, unfortunately there are still a remnant that idolize her and continue this unhealthy lifestyle ie: the oblates of Piglio are still looking very much like the former Sisters of Mary Immaculate which is an affront to us, acting like it is all ok. Why is this even being allowed? It causes confusion with those who believe the institute was dissolved and no longer. I was belittled by being asked why I left, if the blue sisters are still around. Such a betrayal again. No one cares about the injustice done to us.
Today these branches have merged into the “Franciscan Family of Mary Immaculate”, recognized by the bishop of Tivoli Mauro Parmeggiani and to which the Franciscan Oblates based at the Sanctuary of the Madonna di Quintiliolo also belong.
It has been all whitewashed practically “canonized” Patrizi like nothing evil ever happened. May the Lord Jesus Christ protect others from these kinds of unhealthy groups being promoted. They should recognize the wrong done of the foundress and move on in a healthy way not continueing in her example. Teresa Kovacs belongs to these Oblates and continues her abuse.
https://ciociariawebnews.it/2024/02/07/piglio-e-terminato-il-ritiro-spirituale-del-gruppo-dei-fratelli-francescani-missionari-del-cuore-di-gesu-e-di-maria-immacolata-e-delle-oblate-francescane-di-m/
https://www.diocesianagnialatri.it/2023/12/19/i-francescani-di-piglio-hanno-ricordato-suor-elisabetta/
Please defend and warn others of this and similar unhealthy groups so people wont be hurt again and again. Please pray for this intention.
Yes I lost count too
Well, I know myself well enough to know I can be over sensitive. That comes from abusive treatment. Its an area where I need more healing. Hope's Garden is helping me there. Abuse is rampant in our society, and has been since the 19th century and longer. I believe it is the major and very hidden sin/cause of all of society's problems, needs and other sins. Why do I say that? Because when Jesus was asked what is the greatest sin and the remedy, He answered the failure to love, and the remedy is to " love God with all our heart, mind, and will, and to love our neighbor as ourselves"! In another place, He said " what you do to the least of my brethern you do to me". In other words abuse and "lording it over another" is the opposite of love. Its not just unkind. Its the total opposite! Therefore since God IS love, He is totally absent in the abuse. However, God is totally present in the one abuse! God is forever and always in us!
I love Hope's Garden. I know Laura's focus is primarily on healing from spousal abuse/betrayal trauma, but I wonder if she might consider branching out and partnering with someone like Christina/others to have a support group for convent abuse. I love the overall message of understanding Christ the Bridegroom and the healing that's found there.
(Christina, you should follow Hope's Garden on Facebook and/or Instagram if you aren't already! <3 )
Hope's Garden is for any Catholic woman who longs to grow closer to Christ our Divine Bridegroom. All Catholic women, even if they've never experienced intimate partner betrayal or abuse, are welcome to join. We would love to have Christina and others join us at Hope's Garden!
I should have said a "workshop" rather than "support group" (as I know Christina already runs a group). I was looking at Hope's Garden's monthly workshop topics and thought healing from this particular experience could be a great workshop topic. <3
Yes, I know of Hope's Garden. A friend had told me about it. Looks like great work they do. I am a leader of a support group for women who have experienced abuse in the convent. It's called the Maria Goretti Network. More and more women are joining us, and it's the only peer support group available at this time that is Catholic. Hopefully, one day there will be in-person support groups available at parishes. That is what is most needed. https://www.mgoretti.org/
This is what another survivor from my order reported this happened when she was a minor “Hey, I was held hostage by them 23 years ago in Connecticut when I was invited to go on a retreat before going off to school in Europe. I was a devout Catholic, but had no intention of becoming a nun. I was 17 years old. She tricked me into believing it would just be a safe way for me to see the East Coast. It was maybe a month or week before 09/11/2001. Theresa held me longer than the week I was supposed to be there, kept canceling my flight and would come into my room every night telling me that no man would ever want me and I am not marriage material. She would badger me about the littletist things, complain my skirts were too short, withold food, would not allow me to read, no air condition except for in Church. There was an Italian girl visiting who was allowed to do what she wanted and Theresa would constantly compare me to her. My mother finally threatened to call the police and I think Theresa took me to my new scheduled flight. I completely forgot about it and was able to attend the school I was supposed to in France a few months later. I think it was a few weeks before 09/11 when this all happened and I often wonder if she had kept me longer, if I would have ended up on one of the planes. I just found out how this has all come to light. I just googled it to see if this order still existed. I completely blocked that negative experience out of my life.”
That's absolutely horrible!
If religious communities are responsible for providing those who enter the convent with spiritual formation that leads them to become closer to God, and to live authentically the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience: what about the rest of us? How do those of us who do not enter religious communities become closer to God? Are we at a disadvantage?
I believe that the approach which produces this kind of exclusivity, of itself, is a hindrance to becoming closer to God even apart from any abuses that occur in religious communities. Closeness to God comes from being humble towards Him (cf. 1Peter 5:5-7; James 4:6-10). This can be done by anyone who chooses to do so regardless of any formal religious life. Any spiritual formation that does not recognize this becomes a hindrance.
What are you talking about? Your comment has nothing to do with the article. Yet again you are trolling our publication. Just stop. This is a serious issue that affects many women. Where in the article does it say everyone isn't called to become closer to God? IT NEVER SAYS THAT! We are all called to holiness. And stop just throwing Bible verses around that have nothing to do with the topic. You are talking about something that has NOTHING to do with the article yet again. That is all you ever do. I'm tired of it.
You’re correct. It doesn’t exactly say that. I am reading between the lines. You didn’t grow up in the pre-Vatican II Church when clericalism was rampant. I am pointing to the tendency that there is to view the clergy and those in religious life as being closer to God than the rest of us because they take vows and live in community. I believe that this tendency still exists. This can lead to unrealistic expectations on the part of those who venture into religious life.
People can think it but it’s not true, and not what I wrote about and what does clericalism have to do with anything? Again has nothing to do with the topic at hand. You are not reading between the lines you are just writing whatever you want to write that has nothing to do with anything. Again this is a serious issue the topic I am writing about and you are talking about something completely different here. I don’t even think you read the article, but just want to sound off on anything. Please stop.
God bless you Christina. Grateful to you for spreading awareness of this serious issue. It is not just the pain of the women hurt, but also of their families and the damage it does to the Church at large. I have been trying to share with others so if they do encounter this problem to not brush it off and be able to help. Some are understanding but some don't want to believe it. Even thinking it is all a left wing attack made up to hurt the Catholic Church and religious vocations. This is also happening inside male religious orders. Our Lord Jesus Christ will not be mocked and not have evil be hidden under His Holy Name or His Blessed Mother and Saints. These are His vocations being abused. Those poor sisters taken advantage of by the artist priest Rupnik. Sure he was kicked out of the Jesuits but he is still allowed to be a priest! While good priests like Frank Pavone of Priests for Life are cancelled defrocked for being prolife against his liberal bishop. It is spiritual warfare...Much respect, sincere appreciation and daily prayers.
Peter, the fact that you made this post about that subject, rather than the incredible wound upon the Church is very disappointing, and harmful to those who have been abused.
The point of my post was to offer a possible explanation of why there is so much incredible wounding in the Church. It could be helpful to someone who may want to enter into religious life.
I had unrealistic expectations concerning the priesthood when I was growing up. I was encouraged to enter the seminary by the nuns, but I did not believe that my parents would have been supportive. Thankfully, I did not pursue it. It may have ended in a disaster. I now believe that we are better off choosing our vocations after we have already arrived at our holiness in God.
The vocations in the Church help to lead us to holiness. All of us strive for holiness, that is the goal. And we do not choose vocations, they are a calling by God.
Apparently, those who enter into Church vocations have to choose its venue wisely. Your examples in the article underscore its importance.