What Does It Mean to "Love Yourself"?
Gospel Reflection for July 13, 2025 - Luke 10:25-37
And behold a certain lawyer stood up, tempting him, and saying, Master, what must I do to possess eternal life?
But he said to him: What is written in the law? how readest thou?
He answering, said: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind: and thy neighbour as thyself.
And he said to him: Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
But he willing to justify himself, said to Jesus: And who is my neighbour?
And Jesus answering, said: A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, who also stripped him, and having wounded him went away, leaving him half dead.
And it chanced, that a certain priest went down the same way: and seeing him, passed by.
In like manner also a Levite, when he was near the place and saw him, passed by.
But a certain Samaritan being on his journey, came near him; and seeing him, was moved with compassion.
And going up to him, bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine: and setting him upon his own beast, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
And the next day he took out two pence, and gave to the host, and said: Take care of him; and whatsoever thou shalt spend over and above, I, at my return, will repay thee.
Which of these three, in thy opinion, was neighbour to him that fell among the robbers?
But he said: He that shewed mercy to him. And Jesus said to him: Go, and do thou in like manner. (Luke 10:25-37 DRA)
The episode, unique to St. Luke, which is the focus of this Sunday’s Gospel reading is one of the most famous in Scripture: the Good Samaritan. Accordingly, it has been covered from practically every angle one can imagine. For this reflection, I would like to ask a question which is perhaps less common, yet is the subject of many self-help and pop psychology books today: what does it mean to “love thy neighbour as thyself”? As Christians, are we supposed to love ourselves? Doesn’t St. Paul include self-love among the sins which will be common in the End Times? (2 Tim 3:1-2)
For modern culture, the answer to this question is easy: of course we should love ourselves! From elementary school we’re taught to have “high self-esteem,” that practically all social problems, from bullying to family dysfunction, drug abuse and violent crime, are due to “low self-esteem” and could be fixed if we would only learn to love ourselves. And, based on the cult of vanity seen today in social media and even in those we meet in daily life, people seem to have taken this message to heart.
On the other hand, many critics of Christianity accuse it of teaching the exact opposite: that we are “utterly depraved” in sin and should hate ourselves through self-denial, mortification, confession of sins and penance. Many TV shows, films and books even base whole plots around this theme: someone is raised in a “strict” Christian household, learns to hate himself and consequently becomes hateful and violent before finally learning how to love himself, thus transforming into a liberal, tolerant superman.
J. Augustine Wetta, OSB, has written an excellent book specifically on this topic, focusing on the Rule of St. Benedict of Nursia, whose feast day we recently celebrated, in his book entitled “Humility Rules: Saint Benedict's Twelve-Step Guide to Genuine Self-Esteem.” The irony of his chapter titles is that St. Benedict’s program is diametrically opposed to what we’re taught growing up and in modern culture. His message is, “self-esteem is bad”! To truly love God and neighbor, we must be humble. But does this mean we shouldn’t love ourselves? The Catholic answer is, as usual, more nuanced.
St. Thomas Aquinas deals with this exact question in his Summa theologiae. He first makes an important distinction: the theological virtue of charity, infused by the grace of the Holy Ghost at Baptism, is distinct from natural charity. Supernatural charity is the love of God above all things and the love of creatures for God’s sake, loving God with the same love with which He loves Himself and His creatures. By doing so, we become united with God in divine friendship.
Natural charity, on the other hand, is synonymous with altruism or beneficence, what is commonly called “charity” in popular parlance, loving the good in created persons for their own sake (philanthropy). This is why even those who are wholly irreligious and even atheistic can still do acts of “charity.” But theological charity loves one’s neighbors because they are in the image of God and for God’s glory. We love the good of God in them for His sake and as ordered to Him. As St. Thomas writes,
Now the aspect under which our neighbor is to be loved, is God, since what we ought to love in our neighbor is that he may be in God. Hence it is clear that it is specifically the same act whereby we love God, and whereby we love our neighbor. Consequently the habit of charity extends not only to the love of God, but also to the love of our neighbor. (ST, II-II, q. 25, a. 1)
Many Christians today confuse natural and supernatural charity, seeing every type of generosity as an act of the charity prescribed by Our Lord. The Good Samaritan parable is frequently used as a proof for this, forgetting that, in St. Matthew and St. Mark’s version of this passage, Christ says, “And the second is like to this/it: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Mt 22:39; Mk 12:31) Why does He add, “the second is like to this”? Because love of neighbor as thyself is intrinsically connected to love of God. We can only love our neighbor as ourselves with theological charity when God is the true object of our love.
Applying this distinction, St. Thomas says that the friendship of charity can be seen as friendship in general (natural charity), or friendship with God (supernatural charity). For the first, he is actually in partial agreement with modern theories: since friendship is the union of two persons in love, if a man isn’t “one with himself” through self-love, which he says is “the form and root of friendship,” he cannot have friendship with others in charity. (ST, II-II, q. 25, a. 4) Now, since supernatural charity is a perfection and elevation of natural charity, this still applies for Christian charity, but with an added distinction: since charity loves creatures as ordered to God, and I am a creature, I should love myself as ordered to God. Only by loving myself as made in His image, as one whom He wishes to adopt as His child in Christ, can I love Him with true friendship. Likewise, only by loving myself in this way can I then love my neighbor as myself for God’s sake. This is the foundation of true Christian friendship.
But what is the error of self-love which St. Paul speaks about and which makes the “self-esteem” movement today consistently disintegrate into mere pride, vanity and selfishness? You’ve probably already guessed it, but St. Thomas spells it out in no uncertain terms:
Those who love themselves are to be blamed, in so far as they love themselves as regards their sensitive nature, which they humor. This is not to love oneself truly according to one's rational nature, so as to desire for oneself the good things which pertain to the perfection of reason: and in this way chiefly it is through charity that a man loves himself. (ST, II-II, q. 25, a. 4, ad 3)
So, the cult of vanity loves only the good of the body, whether in emotional comfort, physical pleasure or social popularity, whereas true Christian charity loves the “the good things which pertain to the perfection of reason,” namely God Himself and the life of virtue which is formed and enlivened by charity. This is the good we should love for ourselves and for others; bodily goods should only be loved insofar as they help and support this good. Otherwise, we fall into the error of “secular humanism” which worships man anthropocentrically and idolizes oneself as the highest authority and most valuable thing in existence.
To reclaim culture for Christ, we must restore true Christian charity and correct the cult of vanity and hedonism which is so rampant in the world today.
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Perfectly accurate, pointing out "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is "But what if I don't love myself at all?" as happens today? Christ predicates that people ALREADY love themselves too much, that's not the message; the message is "the second part" to expand the same love to others.
That's not what struck me this Sunday; it was the WAY in which he presents it, totally different subject. They are presenting legal what ifs. Look at how subtle it is. He says, "Okay, YOU say this. So I'll let YOU decide. Which of these men was doing the Right?" They say The Samaritan. So as frequently happens, he says, "So YOU say. So since you think that, YOU go and do likewise."
See how Christ did not -- technically -- say and order them to be the Good Samaritan. He's leading them to discover it for themselves. I could hypothesize why he does this -- probably bc no matter what he says they will legalistically quibble and find a way to bring him to court over it -- just that this was the method.
“love thy neighbour as thyself”?
I think the problem
comes into existence when the love of neighbor and love of self is split into two. These two should be together as in the sentence itself.
In wisdom of God, the love of neighbor and the love of one’s self is one love in the Body of Christ, not two different loves, but one love of Christ. We love our neighbor with the love of Christ. We love ourself with the love of Christ.