The Hidden Cross Of Family Conflict
A Disrupted Peace
A family should be a reflection of God’s love, a love that is built on respecting one another, sacrifice, and unity. Everyone within a family is called to practice forgiveness, share joy, and glorify God by helping to build up one another in true and authentic love. The reality of family life is rather quite complex. A most painful cross to bear is navigating relationships with in-laws who bring anything but peace, and instead create division, those who act not with humility and love, but with pride, control, and emotional manipulation.
For example, it can be a in-law who always needs to be right, who dismisses others’ feelings, or who somehow makes himself or herself the center of every situation by becoming the victim. He or she may speak in a tone that cuts, twist conversations to best fit their narrative, or create tension at family gatherings with passive-aggressive remarks or overt disrespect. When these dynamics continue over and over again, they not only cause friction, but they quietly reshape the family.
In some cases, it becomes painfully clear that the marriage itself is marked by emotional imbalance. A spouse demands constant attention, becomes very needy, and gradually isolates his wife or her husband from the family. What should be a union of mutual love and sacrifice begins to resemble submission and fear to stand up for themselves and their family. They lose their freedom to speak openly, to engage with their own family, and the marriage becomes one-sided as they chooses their spouse over Christ and one’s own flesh and blood, and the rest of the family watches, helpless and heartbroken.
As Catholics, witnessing this can feel unbearable. We believe that marriage is a sacred covenant, a living symbol of Christ’s love for His Church, which is rooted in humility, mutual reverence, and self-gift (Ephesians 5:21–33). When that vision is replaced with emotional domination or manipulation, it is not only the couple that suffers. The ripple effects touch everyone who loves them.
In these moments, our Catholic faith becomes not only comforting, but essential. Jesus calls us to a higher road, not to denial, not to passivity, but to grace. “But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27–28). This radical command does not mean we tolerate toxic behavior or ignore injustice. It means that our response must reflect the heart of Christ; strong in truth, but filled with great mercy.
Forgiveness is not the same as enabling. It is not weakness, nor does it require reconciliation when the other party remains unrepentant. Forgiveness is a choice, which is to hand over the wound to Jesus, to refuse to let bitterness rule our hearts, and to allow grace to do what human words often cannot. It is saying, “Lord, the pain is unbearable, and I do not understand, but I give it to You.”
We may feel the temptation to confront, to vent, or to sever ties once and for all. And while healthy boundaries are sometimes necessary, we must remember that the most powerful spiritual weapon we have is intercession. We can fast. We can pray the Rosary. We can ask St. Joseph, the silent, strong, faithful guardian of the Holy Family, to intercede for our loved ones. We can entrust our sibling's marriage to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. And yes, we can even pray for the in-law who causes pain, not because we condone her behavior, but because we hope for her healing and conversion.
We are not called to fix others. We are called to be faithful, even from a distance. To love, not with shallow tolerance, but with the strength that comes from the Cross. Christ Himself was misunderstood, rejected, and betrayed by those closest to Him, and yet He forgave. He remained faithful to love, even as He suffered.
This is the hidden cross of family conflict, which is to love when it is painful, to hope when it feels hopeless, and to believe that no suffering is wasted when united to Christ. He sees every tear, every ache, every prayer offered in silence. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He will not leave us alone in this trial.
So we carry this cross, not with resentment, but with trust. And we believe that in God's time, even this suffering can be redeemed.
Thank you for this article, I appreciate your guidance here.
Thanks for this.
Mostly thanking for the faith points and saint role models to look towards for guidance and comfort in aftermath. I’ve been searching for such things.
My marriage of 33 years ended this past week because of what you described.
Starts small and I hope guidelines come out for what behaviors are red flags and need intervention asap, since no person or family is perfect and often it’s better to not dwell on what’s “wrong” with in-laws.
The damage eventually is catastrophic.
Next is finding a way to let grown kids know they may have misunderstandings about marriage and family, wounds that need healing, so this doesn’t become a generational problem.