A family should be a reflection of God’s love, a love that is built on respecting one another, sacrifice, and unity. Everyone within a family is called to practice forgiveness, share joy, and glorify God by helping to build up one another in true and authentic love. The reality of family life is rather quite complex, especially when a family practices the faith, and an in-law is not a believer. A most painful cross to bear is navigating relationships with in-laws who bring anything but peace, and instead create division, those who act not with humility and love, but with pride, control, and emotional manipulation even to the point of physically harming their spouse to exert dominance.
For example, it can be an in-law who always needs to be right, who dismisses others’ feelings, or who somehow makes himself or herself the center of every situation by becoming the victim. He or she may speak in a tone that cuts, twist conversations to best fit their narrative, or create tension at family gatherings with passive-aggressive remarks or overt disrespect, such as the giving of a Rosary to a niece or nephew, but the refusal of the gift by the in-law because of hatred of the faith. When these dynamics continue over and over again, they not only cause friction, but they quietly reshape the family who watches their loved one turn away from the faith that they once loved.
In some cases, it becomes painfully clear that the marriage itself is marked by emotional imbalance where there is entrapment. A spouse demands constant attention, becomes very needy, and gradually isolates his wife or her husband from the family, which sadly at times can lead to severe depression, especially when he or she begins to turn to alcohol or drugs for comfort. What should be a union of mutual love and sacrifice begins to resemble submission and fear to stand up for themselves, their family, and even Christ. They lose their freedom to speak openly, to engage with their own family, and the marriage becomes one-sided, even to the point of a parent being hospitalized and receiving no visit when a son or daughter chooses their spouse over Christ and their own faith and one’s own flesh and blood, and the rest of the family watches, helpless and heartbroken.
As Catholics, witnessing this can feel unbearable. We believe that marriage is a sacred covenant, a living symbol of Christ’s love for His Church, which is rooted in humility, mutual reverence, and self-gift (Ephesians 5:21–33). When that vision is replaced with emotional domination or manipulation, it is not only the couple that suffers. The ripple effects touch everyone who loves them.
In these moments, our Catholic faith becomes not only comforting, but essential. Jesus calls us to a higher road, not to denial, not to passivity, but to grace. “But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” (Luke 6:27–28). This radical command does not mean we tolerate toxic behavior or ignore injustice. It means that our response must reflect the heart of Christ; strong in truth, but filled with great mercy for those who hate Christ and His followers.
Forgiveness is not the same as enabling. It is not weakness, nor does it require reconciliation when the other party remains unrepentant and hostile towards the Church. Forgiveness is a choice, which is to hand over the wound to Jesus, to refuse to let bitterness rule our hearts, and to allow grace to do what human words often cannot. It is saying, “Lord, the pain is unbearable, and I do not understand, but I give it to You.”
We may feel the temptation to confront, to vent, or to sever ties once and for all. And while healthy boundaries are sometimes necessary, we must remember that the most powerful spiritual weapon we have is intercession. We can fast. We can pray the Rosary. We can ask St. Joseph, the silent, strong, faithful guardian of the Holy Family, to intercede for our loved ones. We can entrust our sibling's marriage, our sister or brother, to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. And yes, we can even pray for the in-law who causes pain, not because we condone their behavior, but because we hope for their healing and conversion, that they come to accept Christ Who loves them, and allow their spouse to practice the faith even if they themselves are not ready.
We are not called to fix others. We are called to be faithful, even from a distance. To love, not with shallow tolerance, but with the strength that comes from the Cross. Christ Himself was misunderstood, rejected, and betrayed by those closest to Him, and yet He forgave. He remained faithful to love, even as He suffered.
This is the hidden cross of family conflict, which is to love when it is painful, to hope when it feels hopeless, and to believe that no suffering is wasted when united to Christ even as we watch a close family member walk away from the Church and choose the whims of the world. He sees every tear, every ache, every prayer offered in silence. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He will not leave us alone in this trial.
So we carry this cross, not with resentment, but with trust that someone who once led a faith-filled life will return to Christ. And we believe that in God's time, even this suffering can be redeemed.
Thanks for this.
Mostly thanking for the faith points and saint role models to look towards for guidance and comfort in aftermath. I’ve been searching for such things.
My marriage of 33 years ended this past week because of what you described.
Starts small and I hope guidelines come out for what behaviors are red flags and need intervention asap, since no person or family is perfect and often it’s better to not dwell on what’s “wrong” with in-laws.
The damage eventually is catastrophic.
Next is finding a way to let grown kids know they may have misunderstandings about marriage and family, wounds that need healing, so this doesn’t become a generational problem.
Thank you for this article, I appreciate your guidance here.