Reclaiming Masculinity in Marriage
It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God, people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Without a central loyalty life is unfinished.
-Venerable Fulton J. Sheen
Sacramental marriage is a sacred covenant where both bridegroom and bride embrace distinct, complementary roles as they guide one another on the path towards holiness. A husband is called by God to lead and protect his family as Christ leads the Church with love, strength, and self-sacrifice.
However, when in a marriage the wife assumes a dominant, controlling role, a husband may struggle to fulfill his God-given responsibilities, leading to a loss of identity and purpose. The man’s role as husband is to be the head of the family, which is essential, and dominant behavior from his wife can disrupt the harmony within their marriage.It is tragic how many of us know such a man who has lost his own self completely and totally, having no voice at all in the marriage.
This is a topic that is most often not discussed in Catholic circles, but it is about time that we as women stand up for men and encourage them to fulfill their proper roles as husbands in a Catholic marriage. As a single woman I definitely have no desire to ever be married to a man who does not know how to lead and fulfill his role as a Catholic husband. In a marriage both man and woman are joined together to become one flesh. It should not be that a man gives himself up completely as the woman molds him into who she would like him to be in the marriage while she remains exactly the same as before they said “I do.”
A husband’s role as leader of the family does not mean that he dominates his wife. As her spouse he offers loving, sacrificial leadership that mirrors Christ’s love for His Church. In this pivotal role, a man provides not only physical and financial support but also spiritual direction, moral guidance, and emotional security within the context of his family. This self-giving love, known as agape love, is marked by strength and humility. It allows him to foster a home grounded in faith and mutual respect, where each family member strives towards living in accordance with God’s will.
When a wife takes on controlling and domineering behavior, however, this dynamic can shift incredibly, diminishing the husband’s ability to lead and strips away the confidence and sense of purpose that his role imparts. Without the freedom to fulfill his responsibilities, he may feel lost, as if his God-given role is no longer needed or valued. Over time, he may withdraw from his responsibilities, resulting in an imbalance that affects both the family’s spiritual health and creates a tension within the marriage that eventually may lead to divorce.
The effects of such a dynamic are often felt on a very deep level, not simply by the husband but by the children as well. Sons and daughters raised in a household where their father’s authority and role are challenged may grow up with a twisted and upside down view of marriage and family life. Boys, especially, may find it difficult to understand their own future roles as husbands and fathers, while girls may grow to see dominance as a crucial trait required in order to be respected, creating a vicious cycle that weakens and destroys necessary values within a Catholic family. Losing the authoritative, loving leadership of a father can bring about destruction to a family's spiritual foundation, leaving children without a model of what God ordained for men and women within marriage.
Spouses can only heal their marriage by returning to the example of Christ and His Church. The man should lead in humility, patience, and faith, while seeking guidance and strength from God to carry out his responsibilities as the husband. Likewise, the wife should respect and support her husband's role of leadership without trying to take over, and encourage him rather than assuming control, so that their marriage may truly reflect a covenant of mutual love and divine purpose.
A wife is not called to give up her own voice, but to take on a role that complements that of her husband, where he is the head and she is the heart. The head cannot function without the heart, and both are needed to carry out love and respect within a marriage. It may take both time and prayer to correct an unhealthy relationship, but by honoring each other’s God-given roles, each spouse will be led to fulfillment, unity, and wondrous graces as husband and wife.
When God remains at the center of a sacramental marriage, both husband and wife allow themselves to open themselves up to the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit. Grace begins to do its quiet, powerful work, healing wounds, restoring peace, and drawing spouses closer not only to each other but to the heart of God. In a marital union, husband and wife walk side by side, each offering something the other needs, each helping the other become the person God created them to be in this world.
A husband is called to lead his family with Christlike love, marked by sacrifice and humility, not control. Each spouse has their own God given role. A wife is called to support her husband, by honoring his role while offering her own voice with wisdom and respect. It is husband and wife who form a partnership grounded in faith, where each uplifts the other in the shared mission of guiding their family toward holiness.
Marriage is not always easy to navigate, but God is the one Who is in control. It takes a lot of prayer, patience, and humility. When both spouses embrace their God-given roles, not out of pride or fear, but out of trust and love, marriage becomes what it was meant to be, a living reflection of Christ and His Church.