N.B. This is part four in a series. Part III can be found here.
“I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer.” Song of Songs 3:1
The Loss of the Child
The third sorrow of Mary is the loss of Christ in the temple. This narrative is only found in the Gospel of Luke. During the feast of Passover, it was customary for Jewish men to make the pilgrimage to Jerusalem for the feast. This coincided with the need to offer sacrifice in the Temple. St. Luke tells us that when the Child Jesus was 12 years old, the Holy Family made the yearly journey to Jerusalem for the feast:
“Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom; and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing him to be in the company they went a day’s journey, and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking him.” Luke 2:41-45
St. Luke highlights that Joseph and Mary are faithful to God and go up to Jerusalem every year. This is an annual trip that they are used to taking, and as the passage indicates, they take it with a company of people. Most likely, this company consists of family and friends from in and around Nazareth. People of this time would commonly travel in companies along the dangerous roads connecting cities and towns for fear of being robbed. This lays the foundation as to why Mary was not worried about her Son during the journey back to Nazareth. She probably thought that He was amongst her family.
Seeing that the Child Jesus was not amongst her family, Mary and Joseph returned to Jerusalem in search of the boy. For three days they searched and searched and did not find Him. The saints relay to us the great sorrow that Our Lady experienced during these three days. St. Alphonsus Ligouri tells us:
“The sorrow which we have this day to consider was one of the greatest that Mary had to endure in her life, — the loss of her Son in the temple. He who is born blind feels but little privation of the light of day; but he who has once enjoyed it, and loses it by becoming blind, indeed suffers much.”1
Mary had lost the light and was plunged into a spiritual darkness.2 Unlike the other sorrows that we have looked at thus far, here, Mary does not have Christ with her. It is because of this that St. Alphonsus tells us that many believe this to be the greatest sorrow she felt.3 How painful must it have been to look for your light and only find darkness? Fr. Frederick Faber speaks to this as well:
“The light went out in Mary’s soul, and a more terrific spiritual desolation followed than any of the saints have ever known.”4
Origen supports this:
“She suffered more in this loss of Jesus than any martyr ever suffered in the separation of his soul from his body.”5
Each sorrow for Mary is like a martyrdom in union with her dear Son on the cross. But in this third sorrow, she suffers for three days. In those three days, St. Alphonsus tells us that Mary did not sleep during the nights but stayed awake and wept for her Son, begging God to help her find Him.6 For three days she did not sleep, she only prayed and searched for her Son. The spiritual desolation that Our Lady experiences is unparalleled. Because of this, how much more can she accompany us in our desolations? St. Alphonsus comments:
“This sorrow of Mary ought, in the first place, to serve as the consolation to those souls who are desolate, and no longer enjoy, as they once enjoyed, the sweet presence of their Lord. They may weep, but they should weep in peace, as Mary wept in the absence of her Son; let them take courage, and fear not that on this account they have lost the Divine favor.”7
Mary is close to us in our sufferings as our Mother and in her maternal love, she consoles her children in their desolation and walks with them to the foot of the cross and the empty tomb.
The Finding in the Temple
After three days, Mary and Joseph find the Child Jesus in the temple among the teachers instructing them. St. Luke tells us:
“After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions; and all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers.” Luke 2:46-47
The twelve-year-old Jesus is found in the temple as He asks questions and gives answers that astonish the teachers. These men are the most profound thinkers of the Jewish people at the time, the great Rabbis. Before them, unknowingly is Wisdom Incarnate, teaching them the meaning of their scriptures and the coming Messiah.
It is here that Mary and Joseph come into the temple, perhaps they were there to entreat God to help them or they sought the peace of His presence to bring some consolation to their sorrow. Either way, they enter the temple and find the Child Jesus ministering to the Rabbis. Imagine the joy and relief that Our Blessed Mother experienced in this moment! Her three-day search, her three days of desolation have come to an end, and she sees He who her soul loves!”8
The Evangelist continues:
“And when they saw Him, they were astonished; and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously.” And He said to them, “How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” And they did not understand the saying which He spoke to them.” Luke 2:48-50.
I will treat the question that Mary asks of Jesus in the next section but here, I want to look at His answer. Christ answers His mother by asking her why she was looking everywhere, why did she not already know that He would be in His Father’s house? This answer is not to be cold to His mother, no doubt the Divine Child knows intimately the sufferings that His mother and foster-father have undergone in the last three days. Instead, God Incarnate is instructing His parents that His mission takes priority over all things. This is an opportunity for them to further understand the mission of Christ, a mission in which His mother, above all, will play an active role.
On Christ’s part, St. Luke shows us that even as a twelve-year-old, Our Blessed Lord knew exactly who He was and what He was on earth for. Any interpretation that Christ did not know who He was or that the understanding of this mission and identity somehow developed over time is contrary to the Gospel. Christ knew He was the son of God, the Incarnate Logos, and He manifested His identity here.
St. Luke ends this narrative by saying that Christ left with them and was obedient to them. Our Lord, true God, and true Man, goes back home to Nazareth and is obedient to His parents. We do not hear of Him again, until the manifestation in the Jordan River.9
The Paschal Mystery
Finally, I want to spend some time on the question that Mary asks of Jesus when she finds Him. St Luke records:
“Son, why have you treated us so?” Luke 2:48.
Our Lady does not come into the temple and find her Son and go over to chastise Him. This question is not asked in the sense that most parents would ask, “How dare you do this?” like the Child is in trouble. Instead, I want to frame this question in the context of a soul in desolation, entreating God Almighty, “Lord, why have you allowed this? Why have you withdrawn yourself from me?” How many times have we asked God this very question? How many times have we gone to God in our suffering and our desolation and asked why? Not because we are chastising God, far from it, but because we are searching for the mind of God who reminds us that His ways are above our ways.10
Mary is asking of God the Son, why He has allowed this suffering in His providence. On this day, during the feast of Passover, Mary does not get her answer. Just as we sometimes do not get the answer to our prayers immediately, Our Lady had to wait. She waited just over twenty years for the answer to this question. The answer was given to her over a Passover when her Son was 33 years old. After His death on the cross, Our Lady lays her precious Son in the tomb and watches as the stone is rolled in front and shuts Him in. For three days, Our Lady will be in another desolation. For three days, Our Lady will await the return of her Son. Imagine the elation when she sees her beloved resurrected three days later.
The answer to her question is that the three days in which the Child Jesus was lost in Jerusalem are a preparation for Mary to endure the three days that her beloved is in the tomb, the temple of His body being destroyed and raised three days later.11 It is here that Mary teaches us what it means to search for Christ. St. Alphonsus Ligouri explains:
“But whoever wishes to find Jesus, must seek Him, not amidst delights and the pleasures of this world, but amidst crosses and mortifications, as Mary sought Him.”12
May we always seek Christ, as Mary did, amidst the crosses of our lives.
Let us pray:
O Most sorrowful Mary, I compassionate that intense distress which thine anxious heart experienced in the loss of thy dearest Jesus. O beloved Mother, by that deeply troubled heart, obtain for me the virtue of chastity and the gift of knowledge.13 Amen.
Hail Mary…
St. Alphonsus Ligouri, The Glories of Mary, Charlotte, NC: TAN Books, 2012. 421.
Cf. John 1:4
Cf. The Glories of Mary, 423.
Fr. Frederick William Faber, At the Foot of the Cross; or, The Sorrows of Mary, Veritatis Splendor Publications, 2014. 186.
Origen, Hom. Infr. Oct. Ep.
Cf. The Glories of Mary, 422.
Ibid. 425.
Cf. Song of Songs 3:4.
Cf. Luke 3:21-22.
Cf. Isaiah 55:8-9.
Cf. John 2:19-22.
The Glories of Mary, 425.
Blessed Be God, Boonville, NY: Preserving Christian Publications, 2022. 285.
This is beautiful, and so much to contemplate and reflect on! However, I would like to especially thank you for stressing that even as a child Jesus knew who he is and why he came upon earth. I have heard so many of more recent years including priests, theologians and even Pope Francis say Jesus slowly grew into awareness and understanding. I think it is obvious, as you say, that Our Lord knew.
I can feel Mary's sorrow here. Great reflection. I always picture Gamaliel trying to recruit Jesus and failing. Also, Joseph ushering Him out of there, wisely knowing that they were traps waiting to set.