God Knows I Tried to Pray

I tried to pray on Monday eve
But little sister wouldn't leave
She kept singing nursery rhymes
I told her "Hush!" a million times

I tried to pray on Tuesday night
But brother tried to pick a fight
He tried to steal my favorite ball
I swear, he drives me up the wall

I tried to pray on Wednesday eve
Impossible, because of Steve
He's a friend from school, you see
He cannot keep from bugging me

I tried to pray on Thursday night
But no one cared about my plight
"It's movie night!" my parents said
When it was done, I went to bed

I tried to pray on Friday eve
Failed again, you must believe
With snacks in hand, my neighbor came
So, you see, I'm not to blame

I tried to pray on Saturday
In my room, I tried to stay
But kids must go outside, you know
And so I played with Beth and Joe

Sunday's come, and here I sit
In church to pray a little bit
But Jenny's near with curly hair
I think I'll put a bug in there

Don't Give Up Sweets

First you take a candy bar;
          Give the thing away
And next you find a piece of gum;
          Avoid it every day
Should you see a slice of cake,
          Get out of the way
Take a brownie out your door;
          Do not let it stay
Ice cream needs a barricade
          To keep the thing at bay
Nothing sweet can touch your lips?
          This is what you say:
Give up sweets until Lent's end?
          No, not me, my friend!

Giving Away My Treasure

I stood outside the church with a penny in my hand.
I'm only five years old, but someday I'll be a man.
There's Mrs. Jones all dressed in pink, whose hair is big and grand.
There's Mrs. Cram who likes to buy everything she can.
There's Mr. Bob, my teacher, and I'm his biggest fan.
The reason is because he plays guitar in our church band.

Mrs. Jones will always make her contributions bold.
She knows the value of her alms, and everyone is told.
Mrs. Cram has always seemed, to me, a little cold.
She's sure to shake her coins a lot so they jingle as they're rolled.
Teacher Bob is kind of cool; he doesn't fit the mold.
He discreetly gives some paper cash while careful with the fold.
I only have a penny, since I'm not quite six years old.
To God, this is as valuable as sacks of shiny gold.

I do not let them see my coin; it isn't good to brag.
Since God thinks mine most valuable, I hide it in my bag.
I wait in line by Teacher Bob;  I try hard not to lag.
I don't want to trouble him and make him have to nag.
Now my penny's in the basket, right beneath the flag.
A priceless penny waits next week, hidden bed-side 'neath a rag!

Holy Thursday Blues

Lord, help me, I'm a sinner
I giggled at the priest
I know he didn't hear me
And that's something good, at least

But, please, I couldn't help it
On Holy Thursday night
I sat among the faithful
Have mercy on my plight!

Our Lord served His Apostles
By washing off their feet
He gave Himself in service
To John and James and Pete

I'm sure they did not giggle
But I am not as strong
I can't help that it tickled
Oh, please, don't think me wrong!

Our priest was very pious
He showed the love of God
He served us just like Jesus--
Me, Hank, and Mr. Dodd

But, Lord, he was too gentle
As he took both my feet
The towel touched my instep
I tried to be discreet

But, Lord, you made me ticklish
You gave me this design
I could not help but giggle
I hope you'll think it's fine

Lord, help me, I'm a sinner
I giggled at the priest
You designed my feet this way
You're half at fault, at least!

Getting Rid of Crocodiles

If you're ever in a river boat
And chased by crocodiles,
If you don't do these things I say,
They'll follow you for miles.

Throw them seven lemon peels,
And, also, twelve potatoes.
Don't forget the orange slice
And several small tomatoes.

Toss a chicken overboard
Using fishing line.
Give them cheese and tons of grapes
(Leave them on the vine).

Drop a bag of mustard seeds
Straight into their jaws.
Make sure to give them broccoli.
(They like to eat it raw).

Hurl chili peppers (rinsed and sliced),
And don't forget some beans.
Make sure you cook the food yourself,
For they don't have the means.

If you do all these things I say,
The crocs will leave you be.
This is how I've always kept them
Far away from me!