I love to work out. The challenge of completing a long ride or run gives me space and time to challenge myself and build a better version of me. Each movement or class helps me build upon another, giving my body the resiliency and strength it needs to achieve a higher goal. I am reminded of this when the intensity of the exercise becomes unbearable, and my mind must take over.

Breaking through the perseverance barrier to get through the ride or run is a mind trick of many athletes. And while the body must be strong, the mind must be stronger. This resiliency leads to longer and tougher roads.

Nearly six months ago, I injured my shoulder and have been rebuilding my body ever since. Doctor’s appointments, cortisone shots, and physical therapy have been part of my mainstay. So has a modified exercise routine.

I hate it.

For months, I was not able to even move my shoulder, because it was “frozen.” I was not able to lift weights or engage in any type of floor exercises because the pain was just too bad. And while I thought the injury would resolve quickly, it didn’t.

I was forced to give in and work with God on the rebuilding process.

When the injury happened I was in the best shape of my life, but my prayer life wasn’t. I was using exercise as a distraction. Yes, I completed my morning bible study and prayers, but because I was going through one of the hardest times in my life, I was there- but not. I showed up but did not participate. My head was not in the game.

So when God allowed the injury to occur, that was the last straw for me. God had already allowed every trial imaginable to enter my life, and now this. Rebuilding my life from the ground up was not something I was looking forward to doing, and modifying my exercise routine was now part of that process.

The beginning months were hard, with slow progress or no progress. But I decided to put all my effort into the exercise I could do rather than the ones I couldn’t. This manifested itself mostly on my indoor cycling bike since that didn’t involve my shoulder. Slowly, I began to get the wind back in my lungs and strength in my body.

The physical rebuilding of my body taught me more than just succumbing to the will of God, it taught me how to begin again. To start with nothing and move in a completely new direction takes effort and grit, and a push from God. It also takes a village of friends and supporters to cheer you on from the sidelines.

One ride built upon another and upon another. I started out slow with no expectations and day by day designed a schedule within my limitations. Because I enjoy endurance sports, the rides gave me time to think, and that sharpened my mind. I could feel the new, albeit unwanted direction, I was going in.

I was wounded inside and out, but God was with me

I didn’t want to get on that bike every day because it exposed my limitations, my weaknesses, but I knew I had to keep going.

I had to keep riding even though I was broken.

And just like that, without my knowledge, things started to get better. I somehow had come to an acceptance that I was not returning to my past and had no choice but to move into my future. My healing was slow, all of it. But I had a goal and mission, both on and off the bike.

In striving to get to the next level of an exercise course, many would call it leveling up, trying to get to that next level of challenge or to that next place. During my healing process, I found the same to be true in both my workout and in my prayer life, I had to be intentional and level up to get to where I needed to go. The grieving period was over. It was time to begin, again.

And isn’t this just like what Jesus teaches us in the book of John when He says, “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” (John 12:24 NABRE)

It is more than just dying to self, it is also dying to control, to what we think may happen, and to any other plans but God’s.

I realized that God wanted me to go in a new direction, and that was only possible by taking my wings away.

My shoulder is healing, slowly, every day. I am much more mobile, and able to do varying exercises. The pain level is going down day by day, but my relationship with exercise has changed. Through movement, God taught me to listen, heal, and be grounded, in Him. He taught me humility, joy in the journey, and patience. The ground I covered on that bike and the hours that I logged in set the road ablaze for the work that God had been trying to do in me all along.

God just needed to bench me for a while to do it.

When the Lord allows setbacks, people to walk out of our lives, job loss or injury, or whatever other things may be stopping us from moving forward, we need to look at that. I wanted so badly to reach, crawl back into my past, that it stopped me from living my life, it stopped me from living at all.

And while grief and pain have their place, Christ did not stay on that cross forever. I had to recognize the Easter that was occurring in my life. This is not easy, but necessary.

As the book of Ecclesiastes teaches us, there is a season for everything, a time under the sun for it all. I had to contend with that, recognize that, and choose to work with God rather than against Him. I chose forward.